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I can remember this day, 20 years ago. the 7th March 1994. There is a picture burned on my memory. It was the day I turned seven, and I thought I was such a big girl.

I wore a navy dress, a picture of snow white on the front and my face had been transformed into a puppy. I’m not sure why but nevertheless the pictures tells me I liked to pose with my tongue hanging out, pant-style.

Was it really twenty whole years ago that this little girl was me? Because I still feel like her now. Less innocent perhaps, but just as young and vulnerable. Perhaps some of the romantic dreams no longer exist, replaced with realistic ones and cares of adult life.

But somehow I know there is still a part of her in me now.

I wonder if she knew how life would look in twenty years time. I wonder if she knew she would have the most adorable little boy look at her as though she was the most entertaining thing the world had to offer. I wonder if she knew she would be loved. I know it’s what she dreamed of.

I wonder if she knew that mousy hair would be gone, transformed into blonde. I wonder what she would have said about that.

I wonder if she knew how much she would miss her grandparents when they left her nineteen years later. I hope she did.

That day feels a whole world away, yet this girl still feels so close. But one thing I know for sure, beneath that face paint and snow white dress, was one very happy little girl, and sometimes, when everything gets a bit tiring, I wish so hard that I could be her again.

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