There are few occasions when I check my bank balance. I always have a rough idea through mental calculation but I never know for sure. This is because checking my balance sometimes makes me feel like my heart is going to stop. My stomach is sinking and the tingling of anxiety is rushing through my extremeties. This might sound extreme, but this is the way I feel when I just don’t know what figure is about to appear. And so I rarely check, and in true catch-22 form, the longer I don’t check, the scarier the task becomes.
‘Oh I really must do that!’ is a conversation I have often with myself, as I mentally spank myself for not filling in that form or making that important phone call. I have a tendency to put things off because, of course, it’s just no fun if you are not dashing about in a mad-panic-rush to meet a deadline!
Even text messages from friends are left unanswered for longer than is deemed socially acceptable, if replied to at all. And it’s not because I don’t have good intentions, it’s not because I don’t value my friendships or because I so enjoy the heart-racing panic of trying to make it to a doctors appointment on time, but because disorganisation breeds disorganisation. That phone call that was supposed to be made two days ago can wait another day right? and the bank balance won’t change just because I check it so what’s the point? And my friends know that I am terrible at replying to messages so it doesn’t matter that I forget does it?
My days are slowly becoming consumed with irritation as I am once again in a flurry of activity with a list as long as my arm to complete before I can leave the house, so for twenty fourteen I will be focusing on the word ‘organise’ to straighten my life out a bit, which means my bank balance will no longer be a mystery and my kitchen no longer a breeding ground for unanswered mail.
With this word, I am giving myself the chance to take a break from the panic and the anxiety and enjoy the flow of life without all the hustle and bustle caused by putting things off and always running late.
Can you think of One Word to focus on for 2014? One Word that could make a much needed change in your life? Why not join in with a whole bunch of lovely people for this year’s ONEWORD365.