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The weeks are flying by and a day no longer feels like a day, an hour no longer feels like an hour. I cling to any chance I find to close my eyes and let sleep take over, but with night shifts to be worked and an almost one year old to mother there is so little time to indulge in any of my much loved pastimes. But here I am, perched at my computer with a new perspective and a strengthened desire to do what I love, to share my voice.

For the last few months my voice has been silenced, near to broken by the cruelty of fate, by the lessons needing to be learned, the humility needing to be instilled. By no fault of his own my fiancé has found himself out of work twice in this time, and with a mortgage to pay and a baby to feed things have been pretty tense in this household. A mother does what she needs to, and this for me means taking extra night shifts and living on even less sleep than the few nights a week I get to rest my head on my oh so coveted pillow. There have been many tears, many prayers and many I-just-can’t-do-this-agains. I have questioned my relationships, my priorities and my life, and once even found myself thinking ‘I want my mummy!’

But things are not all bad. Within this misfortune arose an opportunity my fiancé has been waiting for for years. A chance to be his own boss, to do things his own way and once again enjoy the rinse and repeat of life. So here we are, on the night before he officially opens his own sandwich and coffee bar, on the night before we begin the biggest venture of our lives since creating life.

I cannot say I am not completely terrified, because I am. I have absolutely no idea if this is going to work or if this is where we are supposed to be, but I know that we just have to try, and so try we will. 

So now I have a new head to go with Mother, and employee, and wifey and even less time to juggle, but I am determined to cling to the things I love, to hold on to the joy in my life and not let the scary, the heart breaking, the anxiety inducing consume me.

Once again I am reminded not to allow the clouds to block the view of my beautiful season, but to see all the colours of the rainbow, so full of hope and potential behind them.

Letters to is back and we are kicking things off with ‘A letter to fill you in’. Please link up with us and let us know what you have been up to!

We will be linking up in two weeks time with Ruth at Learning {one day at a time} with the prompt ‘A letter to Santa’ – because we love Christmas just a little more than the normal amount!

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