A few weeks ago I was willing to shout from the rooftops on how God had been answering my prayers. I proclaimed of his armour protecting me, safely guiding me through the falling pieces of my life, through the avalanche of just another thing to go wrong on top of everything else! I spoke of how I had prayed so hard for a solution and behold, He had provided! Foolish is how I felt when just three weeks later, the solution to my troubles, so prayed for and welcome, fell through, proving to be the kick-start to the next avalanche.
I do believe that God answers prayer and I have witnessed this in it’s many forms in my own life and the lives of those around me. Yet I felt ridiculous for having so boldly and whole-heartedly proclaimed how ‘I just know this is God!’
It made me question how we can ever really know. When something prayed for becomes reality, how do we know if it’s prayer answered? How do we know if it’s God, or just inevitable?
I still don’t know the answer to this but here is what I do know.
God has a plan for me. He has everything mapped out for me, all the ups and downs are in His loving hands. Sometimes we need to wade our way through dirty rivers to reach the gloriously green banks on the other side. It is about being patient, and having faith that He knows when I am ready for the plan to be revealed, faith that he will provide when I am ready to receive.
I know that I must not fear the darkness, the woes of life casting their sinister shadows, but instead rejoice, thank God for the many wonderful things I do have right now.
I know that I must continue to pray, that I must not be deterred by my own feelings of foolishness. That I must continue to place my trust in Him even when the path is foggy and it is hard to make out His light, guiding the way.
I do not know if my prayer was answered, or if life is just happening, but I choose to believe that He is listening. Perhaps my prayer was answered, not in the simple, straight-forward way I had originally thought, but instead by way of a stepping stone, a spring board to the next part of life.
If God has a plan for me then who am I to question if this is a part of it? Who am I to question why my prayer wasn’t answered in the way I had expected?
Without knowing the bigger picture, all I can do is rely on Him and trust that each avalanche will pass, and that He will be there alongside me to pick up the pieces.